it’s drawing near the end of my time here in paradise (Kingscliff NSW)
tonight, out of nowhere, several people have told me on separate occasions that they will be sorry to see me go. steve said “i just gel with Karrie, she feels like one of the lads you know!” … and jodie thanked me for explaining something to her - how it was a good thing to be able to sit with your discomfort sometimes and work through it, not always trying to run from pain.
i find this very nice. i haven’t given any of these people anything but my time, i haven’t been stomping around usual haunts with them, we’ve just been doing regular things in an extraordinary place. i haven’t given them anything in expectation of loyalty, i haven’t compromised myself to please others. i always felt i needed to make myself something i wasn’t in order to win approval. thankfully it feels alien to do that now.
i guess i can now see with some clarity that there will always be plenty of ‘friends’ hanging off you ready to party and enjoy good times, but when the chips are down and you need help or simple companionship? that’s when you find out who your real friends are
the few friends i have are very special to me, primarily because i now know their value
they say to have a friend you need to be a friend. at the moment, i’m just trying to be decent, and to trot along trying not to hurt people, or at least not have them feeling sorry they met me.
